Nosce Te Ipsum

It's amazing how with very little effort, we can lose ourselves to the person we become when we're not looking. It's not true, you know, that practice makes perfect. No, no. Practice makes habit, only self assessment followed by correction and discipline makes perfect. Imperfect practice only makes for bad habits. And as for life, as we go about our days, giving a little here, a little there, small sacrifice of this for that, or of this for nothing more than the path of least resistance, we slowly become someone we don't want to be; even though we don't want to do so.

Ask anyone who's gained more weight than they'd like over a few years (more or less). Of course, they'll tell you that they don't want to be over weight. They "don't know how it happened" they'll say. Sure they do. They were not disciplined in their eating and/or exercise and therefore they gained weight. (with the obvious exception of persons with genetic/hormonal conditions). Not very many people set out to gain weight and become unhealthy. So in the process, it's not that they're necessarily making bad choices on purpose, but the path of least resistance does not usually include discipline and structure. We run out of time, resources, or energy and just do as little as possible to get by.

Whether it's weight, finances, lost contact with friends, unhappy employment, we lose a little of the person we want to be everyday if we do not battle the rut to keep it; to keep ourselves intact.

I say all of this not in judgment, but after my own self examination. For I have gained weight, lost interest in my old hobbies, have let friends slip away, and become someone I find quite boring and drab. There are so many things I 'wish' I could be. Things I want to do, to have, to be, to experience, to give. I do none of these things, not because I'm a jerk or selfish, but because I don't discipline myself to do so, and possibly because I'm a procrastinator.

I want to lose weight, why don't I? I want to ride my bike 3-4 times a week, why don't I? I want to run 5k's several times a year and possibly a half marathon, why don't I? (on that one I can say that the reason I don't do so today is because of knee injuries and I'm just so dang heavy, bringing me back to wanting/needing to lose weight). I want to paint more, read more, walk more, play more, smile more, care less, worry less, fear less and experience more of life than I do.

The only thing that keeps me from living the life I want is me. I have learned that nothing will do itself, I must do it. The main obstacle I face is Time, having too little or too much, it doesn't matter if you can't manage it. I find that most of the things I want to do, I could accomplish if I would just go to bed and get up earlier. Tiredness is a lame excuse but the oldest one in the book for a reason, it plagues us all and has been around forever. However, All of the things I dream will only ever be dreams if I refuse to get out of bed. My kids will always need me, my husband will always need something, my back will always hurt, the dishes will always need done, the laundry, the lizard, the groceries, the rugs, none of this is going to magically disappear. I can do anything and live the life I want; and I can do it now, but it will only ever come at the cost of sleep and will always be inconvenient.