So yesterday, September 18th was my birthday.
Our tradition the past few years has been to have an evening out, dinner, coffee and smooches. Darren likes to make sure that we actually go out on my birthday-DAY and not just wait till the weekend, so last night we headed out to eat dinner together to have our date. We're headed to drop off the kids with our friends who baby sit for us on date night, and as we walk in their house going to see the new puppy and settle in the kids, i turn to face 20 friends yelling "SURPRISE!".
Alright, so it's a Thursday night and i know 28 isn't usually a big deal, so of course there was no way to see this coming. The irony is that i've never had a surprise party before, maybe only 1 or 2 real parties before period. This one was complete with those whistle-blower things, candles and ice cream cake.
I actually couldn't believe how good darren was at keeping this from me. The joke of the night was that he's so good at hiding things from me, he could probably hide my own pregnancy from me if he wanted to keep it a surprise. (no i'm not actually pregnant)
So with the help of some really amazing friends, the fantastic night was topped off with a rad new iPod touch!!!
To everyone who came to the party brought cards and/or contributed to the iPod, i thank you and am really blessed to have you in my life!
love you guys!
P.S. the really funny subplot to the story is that Darren didn't tell the kids the truth either, knowing they couldn't have kept the secret. So since they're anticipating us leaving for our date, Claudia asks me an hour into the party "so mom, when are you guys going to leave?". We laughed, and I had to explain that the party had been a secret, and dinner was just a 'pretend story' that daddy told me/us to keep it. I think, despite the cake and fun, the kids were a little disappointed to not get their alone-fun time with Brad and Vera.
Friday, September 19, 2008
Sunday, September 14, 2008
Theia the Conquerer
My little girl is standing all by herself, and as a proud momma it's my duty to tell the world! Enjoy!
Friday, September 12, 2008
My Life, Part III
*I acknowledge that this post is very over due and for those of you who only started reading this blog recently, you might want to go back and read parts I and II first.
Years 7-12
They'd found this 100 year old house that was a real fixer-upper. It was a 5 bedroom 1 1/2 bath that actually had a lot of room. It was situated on 13 acres of land, and there were an additional 10+ acres that were connected to it and the owner had never put up a fence, so we pretty much had complete access to around 25 acres. (click here for my blog on the house.)
It ended up being a great opportunity for unique pets. My parents were pretty brave I guess when it came to the pet department. To be honest I have no idea where they came up with some of their ideas. I'm pretty sure we just started out with dogs, cats, a hamster or 2. It slowly grew to some rabbits. The cute lop eared kind. Some where along the line my parents got into some sort of deal where a sheep owner paid them to let 40 of his sheep pasture on our land. We'd have to give them food, which he bought, keep them from running away and all that, so it was like renting the land out I guess. It did spawn some really fantastic stories.
Sheep Story #1
"One night while having a massive slumber party in which 7 or 8 kids were sleeping in our club house, the sheep broke loose through a fence at around 3 am. As we all start chasing them down in our pjs in the night, my sister Jillian and I get the brilliant idea to ride them. Yeah, uh huh, that's going to be productive. It was a pretty bumpy ride trying to hold on to a fat wool ball."
Some how around the same time or maybe just a little later, my parents started buying goats. Lord only knows what for, they were bizarre animals to have when we weren't really trying to run a farm. We mostly had pygmy goats, you know, the kind you see at the petting zoo. We also had a couple Nubian goats, they're the ones that look like a cross between a goat, a rabbit and a llama. Long legs, long neck, long floppy bunny ears. They're the kind that are used for milking. The milking is another story, but we'll save that one for now.
When I was probably 12 I remember getting sent out in the middle of the night to check on annabelle (yeah, we even gave them hick-goat names). She was pregnant and it looked like she was about to pop. I spent pretty much the whole night out there helping her deliver her triplets. It was pretty wild to see. Boy they sure were cute though (after the slime was cleaned off)
So by this point I'm really not sure what the fascination with animals is. My step-mom just couldn't help herself when it came to buying these things, and if they couldn't buy them, they found some other way to get them. We'd had everything from ducks, chickens, a killer rooster, several dogs, cats, a pig, the rabbits, the sheep, and of course all those goats.
Sometime around when I must have been 10ish we got horses. I'm not really sure which came first, but we did own 2 ponies. A Paint, named Paint (yeah really creative) and a Welsh named Ginger. (Ginger was later bred with a horse and had Joker, a white foal with a black star in his forehead.) In a situation similar to the sheep, we boarded two horses for a guy for several years. Bascar and Fire. Bascar was a really light palomino and I don't recall what breed Fire was. He was a very deep chestnut/sorrel.
Anyway, so we had all these animals, life was interesting to say the least.
We lived in the Norris School District. It was a K-12 school about 9 miles away in the middle of a corn field that took students from the 9 surrounding towns. I started in 2nd grade and graduated from there as well.
The main points of significance in this time are;
This time the surgery was a success, I came to in the recovery room and with my eyes closed listened to nurses shoes tapping on the floor, hearing it, once again, in stereo. A few minutes passed as I lay there listening to machines beeping, voices booming over intercoms and my own breathing. As I lay there I suddenly felt as if I was going underwater, sounds distorting, fading, becoming muffled, and then silencing completely. What had started out as a success fell quickly into failure as the scarred tissue couldn't continue to hold the mechanics in place. And I was left with nothing but some very expensive equipment to rattle around in my head. (okay, it didn't literally rattle, but it didn't work.)
This time I wouldn't agree to another surgery. Not until some time passed and significant advances were made in the technology that would be required to 'fix' me.
You may only have a 1 in 250,000 chance of dying on the table from the anesthesia alone, (this risk was higher back in the 80's when I was having surgeries) but this risk goes up everytime you have to go under, but other risks are having other complications such as blood pressure drops, irregular heart rhythms, heart attacks and strokes. I guess I'd like to have a better guarantee of success before I undergo surgery again.
Significant point B:
At the age of 12, after last surgery #4, I'd asked my dad if I could live with my mom. He said no, so we went to court.
I think that at different times in my life I have more or less to say about this whole deal, and unfortunately or not, I'm in a stage where I don't have much to say about it. But I will say this; We got the same judge that presided over our case 5-6 years prior when my dad moved out of town and joint custody was no longer possible. The judge ruled that there was no reason for me to leave my dad, that there was nothing circumstantial to make them believe I'd be better off with my mom, and my sister Aspen would not have been willing to go with me and therefore, the judge was not going to allow it because he would not split siblings up, even if one of them did want it. So I stayed.
And in my heart, even though I started it, I was glad I stayed.
What did come out of the deal was a lot more time with my mom, convenient or not (considering the distance), she got one night during the week in addition to her every other weekend.
I can't say I was completely happy with the way things turned out. In a matter of a year I had cost my family a tremendous amount of money; between costs of lawyer fees and the surgeries that seemed like a waste (my dad will say they were worth it, since if it had worked it would have been life changing.) And this became one more thing that Marlee would never let me live down. Although she found very interesting and abusive ways to make me pay for it.
Years 7-12
Alright, so at this point my parents (from this point as a general rule "my parents" refers to my dad and Marlee), moved us to Panama Nebraska. Population 200+ 15ish miles southeast of Lincoln.
They'd found this 100 year old house that was a real fixer-upper. It was a 5 bedroom 1 1/2 bath that actually had a lot of room. It was situated on 13 acres of land, and there were an additional 10+ acres that were connected to it and the owner had never put up a fence, so we pretty much had complete access to around 25 acres. (click here for my blog on the house.)
It ended up being a great opportunity for unique pets. My parents were pretty brave I guess when it came to the pet department. To be honest I have no idea where they came up with some of their ideas. I'm pretty sure we just started out with dogs, cats, a hamster or 2. It slowly grew to some rabbits. The cute lop eared kind. Some where along the line my parents got into some sort of deal where a sheep owner paid them to let 40 of his sheep pasture on our land. We'd have to give them food, which he bought, keep them from running away and all that, so it was like renting the land out I guess. It did spawn some really fantastic stories.
Sheep Story #1
"One night while having a massive slumber party in which 7 or 8 kids were sleeping in our club house, the sheep broke loose through a fence at around 3 am. As we all start chasing them down in our pjs in the night, my sister Jillian and I get the brilliant idea to ride them. Yeah, uh huh, that's going to be productive. It was a pretty bumpy ride trying to hold on to a fat wool ball."
Some how around the same time or maybe just a little later, my parents started buying goats. Lord only knows what for, they were bizarre animals to have when we weren't really trying to run a farm. We mostly had pygmy goats, you know, the kind you see at the petting zoo. We also had a couple Nubian goats, they're the ones that look like a cross between a goat, a rabbit and a llama. Long legs, long neck, long floppy bunny ears. They're the kind that are used for milking. The milking is another story, but we'll save that one for now.
When I was probably 12 I remember getting sent out in the middle of the night to check on annabelle (yeah, we even gave them hick-goat names). She was pregnant and it looked like she was about to pop. I spent pretty much the whole night out there helping her deliver her triplets. It was pretty wild to see. Boy they sure were cute though (after the slime was cleaned off)
So by this point I'm really not sure what the fascination with animals is. My step-mom just couldn't help herself when it came to buying these things, and if they couldn't buy them, they found some other way to get them. We'd had everything from ducks, chickens, a killer rooster, several dogs, cats, a pig, the rabbits, the sheep, and of course all those goats.
Sometime around when I must have been 10ish we got horses. I'm not really sure which came first, but we did own 2 ponies. A Paint, named Paint (yeah really creative) and a Welsh named Ginger. (Ginger was later bred with a horse and had Joker, a white foal with a black star in his forehead.) In a situation similar to the sheep, we boarded two horses for a guy for several years. Bascar and Fire. Bascar was a really light palomino and I don't recall what breed Fire was. He was a very deep chestnut/sorrel.
Anyway, so we had all these animals, life was interesting to say the least.
We lived in the Norris School District. It was a K-12 school about 9 miles away in the middle of a corn field that took students from the 9 surrounding towns. I started in 2nd grade and graduated from there as well.
The main points of significance in this time are;
A: By the time I was 11 the bone transplant I had received in my middle ear was now failing, quite badly too. I was down to basically a capacity to hear 15% of the frequencies that normal ears should hear. Which pretty much equates to profound deafness. I was scheduled for surgery again, this time it would be to implant some mechanical/bionic 'thingy' which would do the job of the bones. This surgery was not a success unfortunately. We were told that there was no reason for this to not work and at the advice of my specialist, the surgery was performed again the following year, but that time I remained awake during the operation so I could respond to the Dr while he was working inside my head. Yeah, pretty bizarre.
This time the surgery was a success, I came to in the recovery room and with my eyes closed listened to nurses shoes tapping on the floor, hearing it, once again, in stereo. A few minutes passed as I lay there listening to machines beeping, voices booming over intercoms and my own breathing. As I lay there I suddenly felt as if I was going underwater, sounds distorting, fading, becoming muffled, and then silencing completely. What had started out as a success fell quickly into failure as the scarred tissue couldn't continue to hold the mechanics in place. And I was left with nothing but some very expensive equipment to rattle around in my head. (okay, it didn't literally rattle, but it didn't work.)
This time I wouldn't agree to another surgery. Not until some time passed and significant advances were made in the technology that would be required to 'fix' me.
You may only have a 1 in 250,000 chance of dying on the table from the anesthesia alone, (this risk was higher back in the 80's when I was having surgeries) but this risk goes up everytime you have to go under, but other risks are having other complications such as blood pressure drops, irregular heart rhythms, heart attacks and strokes. I guess I'd like to have a better guarantee of success before I undergo surgery again.
Significant point B:
At the age of 12, after last surgery #4, I'd asked my dad if I could live with my mom. He said no, so we went to court.
I think that at different times in my life I have more or less to say about this whole deal, and unfortunately or not, I'm in a stage where I don't have much to say about it. But I will say this; We got the same judge that presided over our case 5-6 years prior when my dad moved out of town and joint custody was no longer possible. The judge ruled that there was no reason for me to leave my dad, that there was nothing circumstantial to make them believe I'd be better off with my mom, and my sister Aspen would not have been willing to go with me and therefore, the judge was not going to allow it because he would not split siblings up, even if one of them did want it. So I stayed.
And in my heart, even though I started it, I was glad I stayed.
What did come out of the deal was a lot more time with my mom, convenient or not (considering the distance), she got one night during the week in addition to her every other weekend.
I can't say I was completely happy with the way things turned out. In a matter of a year I had cost my family a tremendous amount of money; between costs of lawyer fees and the surgeries that seemed like a waste (my dad will say they were worth it, since if it had worked it would have been life changing.) And this became one more thing that Marlee would never let me live down. Although she found very interesting and abusive ways to make me pay for it.
Thursday, September 11, 2008
Picture Perfect
There shouldn't be much I need to say about this. We love our kids and can't believe how blessed we are. There are days when I still feel lonely some how about not being able to 'make a baby' but when I look at the gorgeous smiles on these kids faces (and listen to Theia whistling like she was in this picture) all that goes away and I know I wouldn't trade these guys for 80 'made' babies.Thanks to everyone who prayed, cried, dreamed and slaved with us to get these guys.
Nosce Te Ipsum
It's amazing how with very little effort, we can lose ourselves to the person we become when we're not looking. It's not true, you know, that practice makes perfect. No, no. Practice makes habit, only self assessment followed by correction and discipline makes perfect. Imperfect practice only makes for bad habits. And as for life, as we go about our days, giving a little here, a little there, small sacrifice of this for that, or of this for nothing more than the path of least resistance, we slowly become someone we don't want to be; even though we don't want to do so.
Ask anyone who's gained more weight than they'd like over a few years (more or less). Of course, they'll tell you that they don't want to be over weight. They "don't know how it happened" they'll say. Sure they do. They were not disciplined in their eating and/or exercise and therefore they gained weight. (with the obvious exception of persons with genetic/hormonal conditions). Not very many people set out to gain weight and become unhealthy. So in the process, it's not that they're necessarily making bad choices on purpose, but the path of least resistance does not usually include discipline and structure. We run out of time, resources, or energy and just do as little as possible to get by.
Whether it's weight, finances, lost contact with friends, unhappy employment, we lose a little of the person we want to be everyday if we do not battle the rut to keep it; to keep ourselves intact.
I say all of this not in judgment, but after my own self examination. For I have gained weight, lost interest in my old hobbies, have let friends slip away, and become someone I find quite boring and drab. There are so many things I 'wish' I could be. Things I want to do, to have, to be, to experience, to give. I do none of these things, not because I'm a jerk or selfish, but because I don't discipline myself to do so, and possibly because I'm a procrastinator.
I want to lose weight, why don't I? I want to ride my bike 3-4 times a week, why don't I? I want to run 5k's several times a year and possibly a half marathon, why don't I? (on that one I can say that the reason I don't do so today is because of knee injuries and I'm just so dang heavy, bringing me back to wanting/needing to lose weight). I want to paint more, read more, walk more, play more, smile more, care less, worry less, fear less and experience more of life than I do.
The only thing that keeps me from living the life I want is me. I have learned that nothing will do itself, I must do it. The main obstacle I face is Time, having too little or too much, it doesn't matter if you can't manage it. I find that most of the things I want to do, I could accomplish if I would just go to bed and get up earlier. Tiredness is a lame excuse but the oldest one in the book for a reason, it plagues us all and has been around forever. However, All of the things I dream will only ever be dreams if I refuse to get out of bed. My kids will always need me, my husband will always need something, my back will always hurt, the dishes will always need done, the laundry, the lizard, the groceries, the rugs, none of this is going to magically disappear. I can do anything and live the life I want; and I can do it now, but it will only ever come at the cost of sleep and will always be inconvenient.
Ask anyone who's gained more weight than they'd like over a few years (more or less). Of course, they'll tell you that they don't want to be over weight. They "don't know how it happened" they'll say. Sure they do. They were not disciplined in their eating and/or exercise and therefore they gained weight. (with the obvious exception of persons with genetic/hormonal conditions). Not very many people set out to gain weight and become unhealthy. So in the process, it's not that they're necessarily making bad choices on purpose, but the path of least resistance does not usually include discipline and structure. We run out of time, resources, or energy and just do as little as possible to get by.
Whether it's weight, finances, lost contact with friends, unhappy employment, we lose a little of the person we want to be everyday if we do not battle the rut to keep it; to keep ourselves intact.
I say all of this not in judgment, but after my own self examination. For I have gained weight, lost interest in my old hobbies, have let friends slip away, and become someone I find quite boring and drab. There are so many things I 'wish' I could be. Things I want to do, to have, to be, to experience, to give. I do none of these things, not because I'm a jerk or selfish, but because I don't discipline myself to do so, and possibly because I'm a procrastinator.
I want to lose weight, why don't I? I want to ride my bike 3-4 times a week, why don't I? I want to run 5k's several times a year and possibly a half marathon, why don't I? (on that one I can say that the reason I don't do so today is because of knee injuries and I'm just so dang heavy, bringing me back to wanting/needing to lose weight). I want to paint more, read more, walk more, play more, smile more, care less, worry less, fear less and experience more of life than I do.
The only thing that keeps me from living the life I want is me. I have learned that nothing will do itself, I must do it. The main obstacle I face is Time, having too little or too much, it doesn't matter if you can't manage it. I find that most of the things I want to do, I could accomplish if I would just go to bed and get up earlier. Tiredness is a lame excuse but the oldest one in the book for a reason, it plagues us all and has been around forever. However, All of the things I dream will only ever be dreams if I refuse to get out of bed. My kids will always need me, my husband will always need something, my back will always hurt, the dishes will always need done, the laundry, the lizard, the groceries, the rugs, none of this is going to magically disappear. I can do anything and live the life I want; and I can do it now, but it will only ever come at the cost of sleep and will always be inconvenient.
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
How to Make a Family Part V
As we pull forward, slowly gaining momentum, rushing right side up again, we speed into our Adoption Homestudy.
Now up until this point we'd thought that our Foster Care Homestudy was pretty intense, but we were about to find out that there is no such thing as "privacy" when it comes to adoption. They want to know everything about you, what you like, what you don't like, do you like travel, reading, religion, science, cooking, cultural experiences, festivals, trade shows, politics, talk radio, if you're into art, if you like music, if listening to music while you look at art makes you think about that one time when you were 3 and your mom called you inside for lunch but you fell and scraped your knee and cried and the neighbor kids laughed at you and it made you so embarrassed that you yelled at your mom and promised you'd never cry again as long as you lived, never, never, never?
Yeah, it's pretty crazy. They wanted to know how your parents disciplined you, how you felt about it when they did, if you wanted to be like them, if not, how you get along with them now, about what they taught you about God, love, sex, dreams, jobs, grass, foot stools, toad stools, bowel stools. Heck, they wanted to know everything about everything that has anything or nothing to do with anything or nothing you might ever think about or not think about and if you don't think about it why don't you?, and if you think about what it's like to not think about it does it make you want to think about it? or try it? or eat it? or smell it? or steal it? or give it away? or just cry? And if you do cry about it or not, how does that make you feel?
Are you getting the point yet? It's insanely intense for no other reason (that I can surmise) than to put you through a psychological wringer to find out if you'll still be sane once you're done.
The reality is that they do ask about your childhood, if it was happy, if you're happy now, etc. They want to know if you're screwed up because of how your parents raised you, if not, if you're screwed up because of something else instead, and if you're parents did do a bad job, if you'll be able to do better. What characteristics you have versus your husband/spouse, how you work together, how you feel about each other, how you feel about your feelings for each other, how your relationship is to your family, their family, whether or not your family will be accepting of an adopted child. Yes, they DID ask about our sex life, if we're 'conservative', passionate, prude, deviant, what we're going to teach our kids about homosexuality, if we're going to promote abstinence, and all that. How your previous relationships were, if they were healthy, if not why?
I think they may have even asked our favorite color in all of that mess.
So, at this point we're starting to feel like "Man I hope these kids are worth it!". Of course, they are. But you do start to wonder why some average Joe and Jane who don't even know each other can go out and screw each other one night after leaving the bar drunk and make a baby and have a child, but we've got to get naked and jump through fiery hoops of barbwire in front of the world while juggling our hearts riding a unicycle blindfolded to adopt one.
We did finish the homestudy, but of course now can't look our adoptions' worker in the eye without turning red. (ok, not really, she is pretty awesome) The hearing in August was to update the court that we'd finished our homestudy and were still going to adopt. We were assigned an attorney and after completing the paperwork, had a signing date set.
During this time, the birth dad had gone into default regarding Theia, which means he's forever the alleged dad, but would never have rights since he never came forward (making her adoption easier for us in the long run) and the birth mom had one visit with her in April that she showed for. On July 24th, the termination hearing came, and rights were terminated. At that time the birth mom was granted a 'good bye' visit which she did schedule and attend. It was nice to see her one last time and get to see her again (at least I got a few more questions answered, and I know Theia will never remember it and it didn't have any negative impact on her to be there, so I wasn't concerned for her. And, no, I did not take the other kids.)
The birth mom's attorney did put in an appeal this time, so due to how long it takes just to get things done, even though it's actually almost legally impossible to remove Theia at this point*, it will still take the courts about 8 months to a year to deny the appeal, get it back down here, schedule everything and get her adopted as well. Fortunately, a homestudy is good for 2 years, so we won't have to get naked and jump through hoops again any time soon. ;-)
Now up until this point we'd thought that our Foster Care Homestudy was pretty intense, but we were about to find out that there is no such thing as "privacy" when it comes to adoption. They want to know everything about you, what you like, what you don't like, do you like travel, reading, religion, science, cooking, cultural experiences, festivals, trade shows, politics, talk radio, if you're into art, if you like music, if listening to music while you look at art makes you think about that one time when you were 3 and your mom called you inside for lunch but you fell and scraped your knee and cried and the neighbor kids laughed at you and it made you so embarrassed that you yelled at your mom and promised you'd never cry again as long as you lived, never, never, never?
Yeah, it's pretty crazy. They wanted to know how your parents disciplined you, how you felt about it when they did, if you wanted to be like them, if not, how you get along with them now, about what they taught you about God, love, sex, dreams, jobs, grass, foot stools, toad stools, bowel stools. Heck, they wanted to know everything about everything that has anything or nothing to do with anything or nothing you might ever think about or not think about and if you don't think about it why don't you?, and if you think about what it's like to not think about it does it make you want to think about it? or try it? or eat it? or smell it? or steal it? or give it away? or just cry? And if you do cry about it or not, how does that make you feel?
Are you getting the point yet? It's insanely intense for no other reason (that I can surmise) than to put you through a psychological wringer to find out if you'll still be sane once you're done.
The reality is that they do ask about your childhood, if it was happy, if you're happy now, etc. They want to know if you're screwed up because of how your parents raised you, if not, if you're screwed up because of something else instead, and if you're parents did do a bad job, if you'll be able to do better. What characteristics you have versus your husband/spouse, how you work together, how you feel about each other, how you feel about your feelings for each other, how your relationship is to your family, their family, whether or not your family will be accepting of an adopted child. Yes, they DID ask about our sex life, if we're 'conservative', passionate, prude, deviant, what we're going to teach our kids about homosexuality, if we're going to promote abstinence, and all that. How your previous relationships were, if they were healthy, if not why?
I think they may have even asked our favorite color in all of that mess.
So, at this point we're starting to feel like "Man I hope these kids are worth it!". Of course, they are. But you do start to wonder why some average Joe and Jane who don't even know each other can go out and screw each other one night after leaving the bar drunk and make a baby and have a child, but we've got to get naked and jump through fiery hoops of barbwire in front of the world while juggling our hearts riding a unicycle blindfolded to adopt one.
We did finish the homestudy, but of course now can't look our adoptions' worker in the eye without turning red. (ok, not really, she is pretty awesome) The hearing in August was to update the court that we'd finished our homestudy and were still going to adopt. We were assigned an attorney and after completing the paperwork, had a signing date set.
During this time, the birth dad had gone into default regarding Theia, which means he's forever the alleged dad, but would never have rights since he never came forward (making her adoption easier for us in the long run) and the birth mom had one visit with her in April that she showed for. On July 24th, the termination hearing came, and rights were terminated. At that time the birth mom was granted a 'good bye' visit which she did schedule and attend. It was nice to see her one last time and get to see her again (at least I got a few more questions answered, and I know Theia will never remember it and it didn't have any negative impact on her to be there, so I wasn't concerned for her. And, no, I did not take the other kids.)
The birth mom's attorney did put in an appeal this time, so due to how long it takes just to get things done, even though it's actually almost legally impossible to remove Theia at this point*, it will still take the courts about 8 months to a year to deny the appeal, get it back down here, schedule everything and get her adopted as well. Fortunately, a homestudy is good for 2 years, so we won't have to get naked and jump through hoops again any time soon. ;-)
*She's been with us for over 6 months, by the time this gets anywhere it will have been over a year. Her birth mother doesn't visit, isn't participating in any kind of reunification plan, has had other children removed (Claudia and Joe) and we have adopted Theia's siblings, and no court is going to rule to reunify a child if it means separation from siblings (let alone the only parents she's ever actually known) that have already been bonded with.
So moving forward, the adoption signing for Claudia and Joe was set for September 8th, 2008 (yesterday as of this posting). What it means legally is that they are no longer foster children, their names are legally changed (claudia's school secretary was gracious enough to have me fill out all of her registration forms with her new name considering it was only 3 days into the school year, making our lives happy, and her job easier!) We technically answer to no one, they do have one visit with a social worker, but we no longer have to answer to our FFA (foster family agency) We have one last visit with our adoptions worker, from our adoption agency, filling out some final forms, but other than that, we wait for the court hearing, which should be scheduled soon to take place at the end of October, and after that day, when the judge awakens our new lives with the sound of his falling gavel, they'll be ours forever.
So although our ride is not exactly complete, at this point it feels like we're finally through most of the loops with just the few little hills at the bottom of the track, as we prepare to coast back into the station.
So although our ride is not exactly complete, at this point it feels like we're finally through most of the loops with just the few little hills at the bottom of the track, as we prepare to coast back into the station.
How to Make a Family Part IV
So as we spiral forward into Christmas, moving, New Year's and Life, things got really crazy really fast, and there was definitely no getting off the ride at this point.
Claudia and Joe hadn't seen their mom for a couple months or more, and then it had only been once in the several months prior to that. Once the baby arrived and the birth mom no longer had to be in hiding, she did request visits. Theia came December 6th, and the soonest one could be arranged and scheduled was for December 18th-ish. She came to that visit, saw all 3 kids for an hour or so, then had another one that Friday the 22nd. Asked if she'd be allowed to bring presents the following week, if we'd still meet on Monday considering it was Christmas Eve, blah blah blah. The visit was interesting, she seemed more like an aunt or cousin to the kids, there was certainly some connection and she seemed involved enough with the kids, but it never seemed like what you'd expect from a 'mother'. That "I'd Fight Off Bears for You" sense of love. She was supposed to visit Christmas eve, but never showed and never saw Claudia and Joe again. Never.
During this time an investigational Social Worker was working through the case and birth mother's history to write a report as to what she thought should happen with the baby, i.e. immediately reunify (give baby right back) reunification services, no services, file to terminate, etc... All of that was going to be presented at the trial which was to take place at the end of January. Needless to say, not visiting again didn't bode well for her.
Christmas was amazing. My parents, and sister were great and sent presents and goodies for the kids, and the magnitude of all the stuff they got between us, them and all the social workers, and agency affiliated 'Santa's Closet' type stuff, was so over whelming that it certainly made up for 3 and 4 years worth of worthless Christmases.
Theia was growing fast, and we were trying to adjust to life with a baby, which much to my embarrassment was WAY harder than I thought it was going to be (10 years of being a nanny/child care provider/licensed-home-Child-Care-owner went right out the window!) Mommy Brain at 3 am is not just a funny term but literally debilitating.
Anyway. Christmas and New Year's came and went and we waited for Theia's trial. The end of January came and birth mom didn't even appear in court. As is required if the parent isn't present, the judge automatically rules according to the recommendation of the social worker, which in this case after no visits, no contact and complete lack of cooperation, was to file to terminate rights and offer no reunification services. (She would have been able to go out and do counseling, rehab, anger management, etc. on her own and it would have showed intent to change, which if she could have proven it, would have been relevant at the actual termination hearing set to take place May 27th-ish, but clearly that was not going to happen.) So they filed to terminate her rights, and again we'd wait. This time until the end of May (the mandatory 120 days from filing until the hearing can be held.)
The following month, February of 2008, brought the end of the 120 day wait on the rights termination filing for Claudia and Joe. At the hearing, in light of all that the mother was not doing, and the dad had agreed, rights were terminated and the kids were freed for adoption. The parents technically had 60 days to appeal this decision (the same way a person sentenced to the death penalty gets to appeal, it might be approved or denied) but they didn't appeal. This meant that we were going to be assigned an adoption agency, would be starting our adoption homestudy, and would be getting ready to adopt the kids by/around the end of the summer/early fall.
During this new time of waiting (yes, there is a lot of clock watching, calendar flipping, and nail biting that goes on quite a bit during this whole process) the social worker that did all the investigation stuff, does not continue with a case after trial, it's not her job to follow up. The case is transferred to one of two types of workers, a Continuing worker (if the plan is to reunite) or an Adoptions worker if rights are to be terminated. Since normal parents show up to trial, they learn right then that their rights are to be terminated. But because birth mom and birth dad didn't show (FYI birth dad denies he's the father even now although it's extremely unlikely to be anyone else), the social workers are required to go through several means of communication to notify them (clearly they need to know this is going to happen to be given a chance to do something about it.) I've never been told exactly who, but somebody dropped the ball and didn't notify mom properly (she never kept a working number, doesn't have a permanent address and has no stable relatives) so anyway. There is a hearing half way through the waiting period on the termination (this one fell in mid/late April), where the sole purpose is to make sure that the notification was done properly, and they discovered that it was not, so they had to start that whole process over, filing for termination over again, and resetting the clock on the 120 days. UGH.
So off we go into a upward spiral again, getting thrown for a loop for sure watching stuff fly out of our pockets as we come to a slowing point while upside down. At this point, stomachs in our throats, we're all about to puke, at the very least, we have all our blood rushing to our heads making thinking extremely difficult.
Claudia and Joe hadn't seen their mom for a couple months or more, and then it had only been once in the several months prior to that. Once the baby arrived and the birth mom no longer had to be in hiding, she did request visits. Theia came December 6th, and the soonest one could be arranged and scheduled was for December 18th-ish. She came to that visit, saw all 3 kids for an hour or so, then had another one that Friday the 22nd. Asked if she'd be allowed to bring presents the following week, if we'd still meet on Monday considering it was Christmas Eve, blah blah blah. The visit was interesting, she seemed more like an aunt or cousin to the kids, there was certainly some connection and she seemed involved enough with the kids, but it never seemed like what you'd expect from a 'mother'. That "I'd Fight Off Bears for You" sense of love. She was supposed to visit Christmas eve, but never showed and never saw Claudia and Joe again. Never.
During this time an investigational Social Worker was working through the case and birth mother's history to write a report as to what she thought should happen with the baby, i.e. immediately reunify (give baby right back) reunification services, no services, file to terminate, etc... All of that was going to be presented at the trial which was to take place at the end of January. Needless to say, not visiting again didn't bode well for her.
Christmas was amazing. My parents, and sister were great and sent presents and goodies for the kids, and the magnitude of all the stuff they got between us, them and all the social workers, and agency affiliated 'Santa's Closet' type stuff, was so over whelming that it certainly made up for 3 and 4 years worth of worthless Christmases.
Theia was growing fast, and we were trying to adjust to life with a baby, which much to my embarrassment was WAY harder than I thought it was going to be (10 years of being a nanny/child care provider/licensed-home-Child-Care-owner went right out the window!) Mommy Brain at 3 am is not just a funny term but literally debilitating.
Anyway. Christmas and New Year's came and went and we waited for Theia's trial. The end of January came and birth mom didn't even appear in court. As is required if the parent isn't present, the judge automatically rules according to the recommendation of the social worker, which in this case after no visits, no contact and complete lack of cooperation, was to file to terminate rights and offer no reunification services. (She would have been able to go out and do counseling, rehab, anger management, etc. on her own and it would have showed intent to change, which if she could have proven it, would have been relevant at the actual termination hearing set to take place May 27th-ish, but clearly that was not going to happen.) So they filed to terminate her rights, and again we'd wait. This time until the end of May (the mandatory 120 days from filing until the hearing can be held.)
The following month, February of 2008, brought the end of the 120 day wait on the rights termination filing for Claudia and Joe. At the hearing, in light of all that the mother was not doing, and the dad had agreed, rights were terminated and the kids were freed for adoption. The parents technically had 60 days to appeal this decision (the same way a person sentenced to the death penalty gets to appeal, it might be approved or denied) but they didn't appeal. This meant that we were going to be assigned an adoption agency, would be starting our adoption homestudy, and would be getting ready to adopt the kids by/around the end of the summer/early fall.
During this new time of waiting (yes, there is a lot of clock watching, calendar flipping, and nail biting that goes on quite a bit during this whole process) the social worker that did all the investigation stuff, does not continue with a case after trial, it's not her job to follow up. The case is transferred to one of two types of workers, a Continuing worker (if the plan is to reunite) or an Adoptions worker if rights are to be terminated. Since normal parents show up to trial, they learn right then that their rights are to be terminated. But because birth mom and birth dad didn't show (FYI birth dad denies he's the father even now although it's extremely unlikely to be anyone else), the social workers are required to go through several means of communication to notify them (clearly they need to know this is going to happen to be given a chance to do something about it.) I've never been told exactly who, but somebody dropped the ball and didn't notify mom properly (she never kept a working number, doesn't have a permanent address and has no stable relatives) so anyway. There is a hearing half way through the waiting period on the termination (this one fell in mid/late April), where the sole purpose is to make sure that the notification was done properly, and they discovered that it was not, so they had to start that whole process over, filing for termination over again, and resetting the clock on the 120 days. UGH.
So off we go into a upward spiral again, getting thrown for a loop for sure watching stuff fly out of our pockets as we come to a slowing point while upside down. At this point, stomachs in our throats, we're all about to puke, at the very least, we have all our blood rushing to our heads making thinking extremely difficult.
Back on the Radar
Alright, so I know I've been totally off the map for a while, but I guarantee you, I'm back. Okay, at least for now.
Anyway, the latest 'quick' updates.
Claudia started her Preppie Kindergarten class, which is a two year Kindergarten program designed to give the kids with late birthdays (her the cut off for K is not until December 2, which is very late! and she's an October baby) So this way, they're out of the preschool class full of 3 year olds, but still working on fine motor skills, letters, numbers etc... and social development, second year is major academic stress that this year gets them ready for. (There are a lot of words they have to be able to sight read, they have to be able to write several sentences unaided and a lot of other things that these particular kids just might not realistically be able to do this year.)
Joe's back in preschool as of today and he had a great first day. Especially considering he has some major speech delays in the area of pronounciation and his teacher is Vietnamese and has pronounciation issues of her own! Don't get me wrong, she's Very nice and super sweet so I'm sure he'll do great in her class. He is supposed to be starting speech therapy (YAAA!) and we're just waiting for the speech therapist to set up his scheduled time.
Theia is growing like a weed, and as of now DEMANDS that she get to eat at the table with us during EVERY SINGLE MEAL. It's really interesting, but it's like she knows that something really cool is going on and she wants to be a part of it. That and she's really crusing along the furniture so I'm sure it won't be long before she starts letting go! (not sure if it's WHOO HOO or OOOH NOO! yet) She's also getting all FOUR of her top teeth at once which feels wonderful I'm sure, but at least she's doing it all in one shot. She also says Papa and Mama discriminately which is amazingly heartwarming!
Last but not least, yesterday, September 8th, 2008 we did the adoption signing for Claudia and Joe! YAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!
Obviously we're really excited and it's been a huge whirlwind of emotions (that i'll have to blog about later) and it's been great, they know their new names (only middle and last changed, but still) So although we're going to have to wait longer than anticipated and hoped for on Theia, we're really excited to introduce you all to the new
Claudia Jean Croteau, and João Todd Croteau!
For those of you who don't know or remember João is pronounced ZHU-wau (Portuguese where the J is pronounced like the soft Zs of Zsa Zsa Gabor) and our last name Croteau (nice ancient French province) is cruh-TOE (like chateau). Yes, we do realize that Joe now has a Portuguese name, an Irish name, and a French name and is a Mexican kid. He's cultured already!
Thanks for checking in, we'll see you next time!
Anyway, the latest 'quick' updates.
Claudia started her Preppie Kindergarten class, which is a two year Kindergarten program designed to give the kids with late birthdays (her the cut off for K is not until December 2, which is very late! and she's an October baby) So this way, they're out of the preschool class full of 3 year olds, but still working on fine motor skills, letters, numbers etc... and social development, second year is major academic stress that this year gets them ready for. (There are a lot of words they have to be able to sight read, they have to be able to write several sentences unaided and a lot of other things that these particular kids just might not realistically be able to do this year.)
Joe's back in preschool as of today and he had a great first day. Especially considering he has some major speech delays in the area of pronounciation and his teacher is Vietnamese and has pronounciation issues of her own! Don't get me wrong, she's Very nice and super sweet so I'm sure he'll do great in her class. He is supposed to be starting speech therapy (YAAA!) and we're just waiting for the speech therapist to set up his scheduled time.
Theia is growing like a weed, and as of now DEMANDS that she get to eat at the table with us during EVERY SINGLE MEAL. It's really interesting, but it's like she knows that something really cool is going on and she wants to be a part of it. That and she's really crusing along the furniture so I'm sure it won't be long before she starts letting go! (not sure if it's WHOO HOO or OOOH NOO! yet) She's also getting all FOUR of her top teeth at once which feels wonderful I'm sure, but at least she's doing it all in one shot. She also says Papa and Mama discriminately which is amazingly heartwarming!
Last but not least, yesterday, September 8th, 2008 we did the adoption signing for Claudia and Joe! YAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!
Obviously we're really excited and it's been a huge whirlwind of emotions (that i'll have to blog about later) and it's been great, they know their new names (only middle and last changed, but still) So although we're going to have to wait longer than anticipated and hoped for on Theia, we're really excited to introduce you all to the new
Claudia Jean Croteau, and João Todd Croteau!
For those of you who don't know or remember João is pronounced ZHU-wau (Portuguese where the J is pronounced like the soft Zs of Zsa Zsa Gabor) and our last name Croteau (nice ancient French province) is cruh-TOE (like chateau). Yes, we do realize that Joe now has a Portuguese name, an Irish name, and a French name and is a Mexican kid. He's cultured already!
Thanks for checking in, we'll see you next time!
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