Jane Doe

i'm not really sure how many people know what an animal lover i am. maybe i haven't finished the 'life' series of posts far enough to get into how my childhood was filled with helping animals give birth, everything from goats, to horses and dogs. we had quite the menegerie.

anyway. it pretty much grieves me to see animals in pain, or even ones who probably died a painful death.

so today i was driving from my house in one little town the 4 miles to the next little town. we've been having beautiful rain storms and i was looking for an excuse to get out and drive around hunting for rainbows with my kids. we come over one of the small hills directly upon a wounded doe splayed across the road.

initially i slow down knowing i'll have to just to get around her, as i get closer i can see how mangled her rear legs are, completely disjointed. i have seen scenes like this so many times having grown up in the country, never liking it, but i really have no idea why this time it's pulling my heart strings so hard. i pass her barely moving and as i see her eyes reflecting the now blue sky dotted with puffy clouds i just pull over and stop. my kids are in the back, totally aware of her and are asking me a million questions about her. 'is she ok... what happened... did she get shot... can we help her...?' all i can tell them is that i'm sure she was not shot.

i get out of the car, go check on her and sure enough, she's dead. i don't know why i expected any differently but i was still saddened. as i stand there in the middle of the road i know i can't just leave her. sure there isn't anything i can do to save her, but i can prevent anything worse from happening. at least anything that isn't part of the natural cycle of life. i did actually make a quick call to my dad to make sure it was ok to touch her (i've had experiences with wild life before to find out after the fact that there are some animals that 'they' say you're not allowed to touch, baby ducks for example.) when i get the go ahead i move her from the road, as far as i can take her to make sure she won't be the train wreck drivers stare at as nature takes her back.

her liquid ebony eyes stare at me and as i walk away i feel a little bad that i didn't close them, feeling her look at me, knowing she can't see. and i'm hoping others don't have to see her that way. i get into the car and after i assure my kids that i did all i could and 'of course she's in heaven' joe asks the question that to me reveals his kindred spirit of mine.

'momma, her eyes were open, couldn't you close them so she'd look like she was sleeping? so people won't see her that way? people get to close their eyes when they're dead.' we both know she's not a person, but we both know all things deserve dignity in death.