tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-82486865255753168672011-08-09T00:16:47.071-05:00ashhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15456547831635496366noreply@blogger.comBlogger851100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8248686525575316867.post-55665364345576205882011-08-09T00:10:00.001-05:002011-08-09T00:11:56.350-05:00

i wanted children much the same way as 10 year old boys want to be in the NBA or NFL.  it was my dream, a fantasy, something for which to yearn and make imaginary plans; it was not something that was ever going to become real because not all of us are built for such things.  sure i had the right parts, just like most boys have arms and legs, but that doesn't mean they worked the way they would

ashhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15456547831635496366noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8248686525575316867.post-20976482234324595432011-08-08T22:53:00.000-05:002011-08-08T22:53:08.105-05:00

i'm cursed with a brain of science and a heart of romance.  in any given situation i'll mentally break down all the possible scenarios and pick apart all the variables to logically deduce the best plan.  however, the heart wants what the heart wants and all too often i move forward with the most idiotic plans.  the most unfortunate part is that i dont proceed all blissfully ignorant of the cliff

ashhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15456547831635496366noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8248686525575316867.post-945960674395334032011-05-22T12:53:00.000-05:002011-05-22T12:53:00.765-05:00

in an attempt to blog again i realize that i haven't blogged in almost a year and there could hardly have been more "new" stuff going on if we'd tried.  from separating from my abusive husband via a women's shelter to miraculously becoming pregnant for the first, and probably only, time there has been enough "new" to fill 3 blogs.  i won't necessarily go back and fill in everything but i'm sure

ashhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15456547831635496366noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8248686525575316867.post-78265499402464272762010-04-10T17:54:00.001-05:002010-04-10T18:15:17.651-05:00

it was an amazing day with the kiddos out at Pioneer's park today.  it's always a little strange for me to take them there since i grew up going there all the time as a kid.  i'm pretty sure every time we go i text my dad to tell him know some traditions are never forgotten.  in another couple weeks as it gets a lot warmer i'm sure we'll take the tradition a step further and go to Zesto for

ashhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15456547831635496366noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8248686525575316867.post-42737571943130024532010-03-06T21:19:00.000-06:002010-03-06T21:19:51.761-06:00

there is something rather tragic when you realize you're at a point where you no longer love someone, no longer even like them, no longer want them, that you are fed up being hurt by them and would, quite honestly, be better off without them. equally tragic is when you realize they feel the exact same way about you.

ashhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15456547831635496366noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8248686525575316867.post-63564732671452735852010-02-20T21:11:00.001-06:002010-02-20T21:11:57.575-06:00

if there is anything i've done right as a mom it has been that i've quite completely granted Claudia the freedom and confidence to talk to me about absolutely anything and everything.  we don't get solo time often, but when we do she opens her mouth and like an Indian Snake Charmer she circular breathes and does not stop talking until she's exhausted every word she has to say.   Just the other

ashhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15456547831635496366noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8248686525575316867.post-39347605041252834852010-02-20T15:14:00.000-06:002010-02-20T15:55:02.676-06:00

one of my sisters called today and her first words were, "i have news!" to which i immediately responded emphatically, "you're pregnant?!"... "yes, how'd you know?!!!" i'm not sure how, but i always know. i'm ecstatic for her and i know that she's going to be the most fantastic mom of SIX ever. yes, this is child numero seis, her oldest will turn 8 in June!she went on to say she should have

ashhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15456547831635496366noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8248686525575316867.post-41845114982213079632010-01-30T21:46:00.000-06:002010-01-30T21:59:27.675-06:00

alright, so it's been forever, i'm committing from this point on to post more though so i expect to be held to that. things with the kids are wonderfully chaotic. claudia is loving kindergarten, joe is finally (finally finally finally) mellowing out at school and we're not having nearly the behavioral issues we were at the beginning of the year. theia is just like her momma, the class clown

ashhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15456547831635496366noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8248686525575316867.post-38656946360956532322009-09-10T19:39:00.000-05:002009-09-10T19:52:41.856-05:00

man i know it probably sounds crazy but i'm so stoked to be turning 29 next week. i know i'm going to enjoy it while it lasts and i'm really looking forward to 30. i'm not going to wish my life away by any means but i'm certainly going to be glad to have my 20's all behind me. i feel like 29 should be like the last chapter of a book, the climax has already occurred and essentially the author is

ashhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15456547831635496366noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8248686525575316867.post-88616683375527668912009-08-19T19:50:00.000-05:002009-08-19T20:07:50.286-05:00

i'm not really sure how many people know what an animal lover i am. maybe i haven't finished the 'life' series of posts far enough to get into how my childhood was filled with helping animals give birth, everything from goats, to horses and dogs. we had quite the menegerie. anyway. it pretty much grieves me to see animals in pain, or even ones who probably died a painful death. so today i was

ashhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15456547831635496366noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8248686525575316867.post-77411928580013711952009-08-17T08:58:00.001-05:002009-08-17T09:09:35.565-05:00

oh the joys of MRSA. few months ago we were in the hospital with Theia having emergency surgery to clean up her abscesses, spent a week stuck in quarantine and it was terrible. and that was actually her second occurrence. i thought we were pretty much in the clear, it's been several months and she hasn't been having any issues. few weeks ago claudia got a pretty gnarly spider bite on the back

ashhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15456547831635496366noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8248686525575316867.post-61570439846751812252009-07-16T17:09:00.000-05:002009-07-16T18:05:35.978-05:00

there are actually only a handful of people who know that i truly care about homeless people. i could go on for hours about exactly why, but for the moment we'll just leave it at the fact that my heart goes out to people who've had really bad things happen that have left them in such a state of despair, those who are left quite simply empty and frantic. i will add a disclaimer that i do draw a

ashhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15456547831635496366noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8248686525575316867.post-62154264768543912052009-07-16T16:32:00.000-05:002009-07-16T17:06:54.150-05:00

falling really isn't so bad, well, at least not the first time. usually that first time, it catches you off guard, you're not expecting it and you're down before you even know what happened. it's really not that the fall is bad at all, it's the landing that leaves the marks. the first time you fall you normally don't even notice right away, it comes later with the bruises, aches and pains that

ashhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15456547831635496366noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8248686525575316867.post-55250262107377208862009-07-08T14:39:00.000-05:002009-07-08T15:54:55.294-05:00

it isn't often we get a glimpse of what could have been. those parallel universes, lingering like shadows in light of our reality, revealing in their mystery the potential 'could have beens'. typically when one door closes and the next opens, the former door remains closed. usually that is the hard part, but often it is for the best. for who wants to move through these doors, making these

ashhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15456547831635496366noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8248686525575316867.post-23023643786638656962009-06-23T23:07:00.000-05:002009-06-23T23:39:13.927-05:00

pretty much every where you look there are signs. street signs, dominate our entire field of vision as we drive down the road. there are a whole group of them telling you just what you can and cannot do"turn here, no turn on red, left turn only, straight, no turns, u-turns prohibited, left turn yield" those are fairly cut and dry. then there are the whole group of sorts that don't tell you

ashhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15456547831635496366noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8248686525575316867.post-39274901322292467382009-06-15T00:16:00.000-05:002009-06-15T00:53:10.044-05:00

there is a movie called 'the forgotten' with the tag line "You'll Never Forget The Ones You Love". the movie essentially deals with this idea that aliens are using us as guinea pigs and their particular experiment is to measure the connection between parents and children by basically snatching the kids and wiping the memories of the parents. then they observe whether or not there is something

ashhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15456547831635496366noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8248686525575316867.post-73323504817854764452009-06-14T23:20:00.000-05:002009-06-14T23:27:17.189-05:00

"when it rains it pours". i find it interesting that this expression has such a negative connotation. i love it when it rains, even better when it pours. it's so refreshing, each drop of water pulling particles of dirt out of the air. and after, the way the sky is so clear, and the world airing out like clothes on a line. the rains of winter washing away the stains of autumn.

ashhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15456547831635496366noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8248686525575316867.post-26803849936590159752009-06-11T11:20:00.000-05:002009-06-11T13:49:38.681-05:00

i'm the sort of person who loves words. not just because i like to talk and they're necessary either. i'm a person who's been misunderstood and had my words twisted and misconstrued to the nth degree on so many occasions, that i've made it sort of a personal semantic mission to understand words, what they mean, what they do not mean, the best way to use them, and when it would be better to use

ashhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15456547831635496366noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8248686525575316867.post-33673896216969624432009-06-09T23:16:00.000-05:002009-06-09T23:57:00.259-05:00

i suppose it could be said that i'm a sentimental person. not so much about orthodox things, such as trinkets or favors, but about things such as smells or the way someone might look while gazing through rain streaked windows. i suppose it is the beauty in the relatively mundane that interests me. i find my self quite often just thinking about how something may look; the lonely way a cardigan

ashhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15456547831635496366noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8248686525575316867.post-18881576637911733602009-06-04T08:15:00.000-05:002009-06-04T10:18:30.295-05:00

it never ceases to amaze me how life can change in a moment. i'm not even talking about huge life-altering events, like car accidents or a terminal diagnosis. there are those smaller moments, when we learn something, which may even seem quite trivial at first, is finally brought to light. only after closer examination do we realize that it's not just a blue piece of the sky, but the hinge on

ashhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15456547831635496366noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8248686525575316867.post-61714968529971578702009-04-11T13:55:00.000-05:002009-04-11T14:07:39.014-05:00

so things are finally settling down out here on the farm.  okay we don't actually live on a farm, but there are cows mooing behind our house and since we live in a town with less than 200 people i think it's a fitting description anyway.  the kids are finally settling into a routine of playing outside, cold weather or otherwise, and figuring out new games and enjoying cousins when they come

ashhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15456547831635496366noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8248686525575316867.post-2892301427455349882009-04-10T09:00:00.000-05:002009-04-10T09:00:00.878-05:00

it's finally FRIDAYtoday's photo is "something old" and i actually had a hard time thinking about this one. how old is old? ten years? twenty? i settled on my hardwood floors, the house is easily 50 years old, and the floors are original, so i suppose that counts as 'old'. i know, totally random, but i love them and have always wanted them, so the fact that they 'came with the house' is just

ashhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15456547831635496366noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8248686525575316867.post-90583239952734606092009-04-09T09:00:00.000-05:002009-04-09T09:00:01.698-05:00

Yaa it's THURSDAY!something i do everyday.I have to admit, i don't exactly do this 'everyday' but as i went around thinking about it, i could have taken a photo of the diaper changing table, of my dishwasher, or of the vacuum cleaner, but since the back of my house and the window over the sink in my kitchen are due east, most mornings i do get to watch sunrise and it made a much better photo op

ashhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15456547831635496366noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8248686525575316867.post-2534286212302707102009-04-08T09:00:00.000-05:002009-04-08T09:00:00.555-05:00

WEDNESDAY!today is "view from my front door" and considering it's just my neighbor's house, i thought it would be better if i did "view through my front door" enjoy!

ashhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15456547831635496366noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8248686525575316867.post-53771944900247587762009-04-07T09:00:00.000-05:002009-04-07T09:00:02.019-05:00

It's TUESDAY!today is 'something on the table'okay, so i cheated a little, and put her up there, but this is very typical "theia behavior". because she's a climber, we never usually have anything else on the table anyway, that and it's kitchen table, since we don't have a formal dinning room or anything, so it's not decorated anyway.

ashhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15456547831635496366noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8248686525575316867.post-46653314466908246852009-04-06T09:00:00.000-05:002009-04-06T09:00:00.948-05:00

thanks to Ashley H. i decided i would like to try this, partly because i want to challenge my self to think of interesting things, and partly so i can motivate myself to blog everyday for 5 days!pretty simple,monday- something newtuesday- something on the tablewednesday- view from my front doorthursday- something i do each dayfriday- something oldwho knows, maybe i'll start taking a photo a day

ashhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15456547831635496366noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8248686525575316867.post-43163303632442133992009-04-04T13:34:00.000-05:002009-04-04T13:39:08.133-05:00

as an adoptive parent there are always times when you're asked questions and you wonder how much info you can get away with withholding without actually lying. i don't think that my status as a mother should be defined by the fact that i'm an 'adoptive mother' not a 'biological one' and this story a friend of mine posted is one of the most hilarious examples i know of.you can click on the link

ashhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15456547831635496366noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8248686525575316867.post-17132756085255109832009-04-04T09:21:00.000-05:002009-04-04T09:30:55.103-05:00

i can't believe it. i know we moved here for family and for all of the stuff, traditions, and memories that come with them, but i'm still surprised.we've been here just over a month and we've already had family dinners, last minute stop overs, date nights, and today we're taking our kids to participate in the huge Easter Egg Hunt that my mom puts on with the neighbor women since they have a

ashhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15456547831635496366noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8248686525575316867.post-53802619937909873052009-03-29T16:35:00.000-05:002009-03-29T16:47:41.432-05:00

Alright alright, I know it's been WAY too long since I posted, and believe me, I've WANTED to!The latest update is that we did indeed move to Holland Nebraska almost exactly a month ago.  I flew here with the kids February 28th, and Darren arrived shortly after, driving straight through with a friend to get here early that Sunday morning.  We moved into our new house the next day and have been

ashhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15456547831635496366noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8248686525575316867.post-46997439031054736462009-02-26T16:53:00.000-06:002009-02-26T17:03:23.149-06:00

It has occurred to me that I failed to follow up on this particular series. Hopefully it's okay that I do so now.I left off in Part V with Theia's case in appeals court. Well, the short version of the story is that when the initial appeal was filed, the judge pretty much said they didn't have sufficient evidence to support it and the birth mom was required to submit supplemental evidence within

ashhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15456547831635496366noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8248686525575316867.post-52127499829070890582009-02-17T01:22:00.000-06:002009-02-17T01:26:36.895-06:00

So tonight, finally, after close to a year, I went and redeemed a gift card I had for a massage (given to me last mother's day). Yeah, obviously I'm a mom and it takes about a year to find an hour away!It was fantastic. Anyone who's had a good massage will tell you the same thing, muy fantastico! Anyway, I was so relaxed I almost forgot to put all my clothes back on... yeah, that good.So with

ashhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15456547831635496366noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8248686525575316867.post-7902512667699263422009-02-14T17:01:00.000-06:002009-02-14T17:20:52.426-06:00

We'll be the first, though certainly not the only, to admit that our experiences as a grwoing family have been like a whirl wind and a roller-coaster. It's amazing how fast time flies and with all the responsibility and often stress of raising three kids, it's easy to lose track of time. Much like driving a familiar route, you often arrive not really remembering this particular drive and it's

ashhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15456547831635496366noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8248686525575316867.post-42187617964677386742009-02-10T21:10:00.000-06:002009-02-10T21:14:11.018-06:00

so just the other day, i'm walking down the street and pass this woman on the sidewalk. i look at her for a moment taking in her tattered layers of rags, gnarled hair and dirt streaked face, and in the instant we make eye contact- an eternity passes. her eyes, with wrinkles etched deep, shaping bags seemingly holding dark pools of ink- surrounding eyes sunken and grey, speak of a life she lived

ashhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15456547831635496366noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8248686525575316867.post-52996467847551987142009-02-07T16:48:00.000-06:002009-02-07T17:10:06.787-06:00

Alright, so by now I'm sure you've all heard that the Croteau family is indeed moving, to an enchanted land, far far away.Ok, so not so enchanted, but certainly far away. We'll be moving to a small town just outside of Lincoln, NE, called Holland. (you see, if I'd said we were moving to Holland half of you would have said "The Netherlands?!" which would be cool, but is not the case)I've gotten a

ashhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15456547831635496366noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8248686525575316867.post-32435439374125019732009-01-29T13:50:00.000-06:002009-01-29T14:01:08.293-06:00

So it looks like mid March we're moving to Nebraska. Lincoln, or at least one of the surrounding areas. There is, of course, a 3.79% chance that something comes up and it does not happen, but for the most part it's looking like a go.Darren's developing ulcers due to stress at home and work, and the change of pace, job, and surroundings can only help. That added to the tremendous value of having

ashhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15456547831635496366noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8248686525575316867.post-57912287139734530392009-01-22T14:20:00.000-06:002009-01-22T14:25:57.341-06:00

i'm totally having one of those days(well weeks, months really), where you let things from the past take you over, things that you've tried to push aside for years, and in a moment they come rushing back reminding you that you'll never really be without them. that they are a part of you and you'll never be whole trying to emancipate yourself from them. how do you get them back when it means

ashhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15456547831635496366noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8248686525575316867.post-34467438644620101162009-01-16T12:20:00.001-06:002009-01-16T12:38:01.069-06:00

So it's official! We've finalized with Theia and that means all of our kids are really really ours! It's such a good feeling and although I knew she wasn't going anywhere, and I knew we really were a family, somehow this does actually feel different. Not because she's more ours but we're more hers. I have been thinking a lot about what sometimes happens, how sometimes sibling sets have to be

ashhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15456547831635496366noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8248686525575316867.post-35539563276963202242009-01-13T17:14:00.000-06:002009-01-13T17:21:27.427-06:00

We're totally stoked that Thursday January 15th our finalization of Theia's adoption is scheduled for 8:30am. It seems like such a long and short journey all at once and after everything we've been through it's just such a good feeling to know the end is near.Of course, it's really not the "end" but just the beginning of a whole new chapter of us as an 'official' family. I can't imagine our

ashhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15456547831635496366noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8248686525575316867.post-19178455970891822222009-01-12T11:20:00.000-06:002009-01-12T11:50:57.961-06:00

It's been brought to my attention that Theia gets way more face time than my other kids.  Since I'm really not the kind of person to really care what people think, I'm not really the sort who goes out of my way to 'defend' myself.  But this time, just for the record, I do love my other kids 'just as much' as I love Theia.  Claudia and Joe are both in school and 90% of the time, when I think to

ashhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15456547831635496366noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8248686525575316867.post-68292623874106655002009-01-12T11:14:00.000-06:002009-01-12T11:19:13.666-06:00

Oh yeah, Theia's getting so grown up, she's following in momma's footsteps and whenever we go to Sam Ash (the music store) she must have a turn on the drum set that's just her size (ok, it's a little big, for now).She's teething like crazy, at the moment she's sitting next to me chewing on a toy screw driver.  I'm sure that can't feel great, but she's appears to enjoy it.  Life around here just

ashhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15456547831635496366noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8248686525575316867.post-32442309294363966022009-01-07T12:01:00.000-06:002009-01-07T12:21:46.994-06:00

Well last night at about 8:30 we got a call. This was a call we'd trained for, prepared our home and hearts for, waited for, and we're still not exactly prepared for.The director of our Foster Family Agency called to ask us if we could take an emergency foster placement, just for the night. A 14 year old girl needed a place to stay for the night since there had been allegations of abuse in her

ashhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15456547831635496366noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8248686525575316867.post-46434998283706285842009-01-06T12:31:00.000-06:002009-01-06T12:52:13.035-06:00

Just some photos of Theia, and one of all the kids. They sure are growing fast and Theia's totally silly goofball personality is coming out more and more everyday.

ashhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15456547831635496366noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8248686525575316867.post-7179049000588397762008-12-29T13:03:00.000-06:002008-12-29T14:15:08.448-06:00

My whole life I've been defined as the "carefree" one, or silly, goofy, not exactly irresponsible, but very aloof and fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants.  I've never been what you'd call "organized" or "tidy" and although I don't like a dirty house, I admit, the clutter is pretty crazy around here most of the time.  I prefer things to be temporary, fluid and without structure.  Very much the opposite of

ashhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15456547831635496366noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8248686525575316867.post-46533602518743063802008-12-22T14:21:00.000-06:002008-12-22T14:49:58.410-06:00

So I've told this story a few times, ok, more than just a few, quite a few.  I knew that I should blog about this at the time it happened, but of course I'm the Queen Procrastinator and, well, I just didn't.But anyway, here it goes now, better late than never.So back in August we took a family camping trip to Yosemite National Park.  There are about 50 stories I could tell about how beautiful,

ashhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15456547831635496366noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8248686525575316867.post-23971873898608845432008-12-19T15:22:00.000-06:002008-12-19T15:23:58.909-06:00

Thanks to a friend's blog i'm following, i'm also posting a sound off post.  this is a fun way to see who all actually reads this and where you're all from!  post a comment with your name and location!"See ya later"ash

ashhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15456547831635496366noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8248686525575316867.post-83834694293960194762008-12-18T16:53:00.000-06:002008-12-18T17:09:45.762-06:00

so monday, december 15th, was the day we signed the adoption paperwork for theia.  it was such a good feeling to change her name and have her no longer be a foster child.  her name before was Cynthia Rose, which is actually a very cute name, something i'm sure any other girl would thank their parents for some day when they're older.  certainly not something she'd be teased about for any

ashhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15456547831635496366noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8248686525575316867.post-65333417717669720992008-12-18T16:47:00.000-06:002008-12-18T16:53:32.410-06:00

we're in that wonderful stage of screaming for everything with theia.  it's been really rough, she's obviously not happy about something, or nothing, or maybe everything.  it's so hard to tell.  she's certainly always hungry, and then she's just had it with the car too.  nothing makes her scream like the car seat.  the minute she sees it she starts screaming.  i never know what to do, listen?,

ashhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15456547831635496366noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8248686525575316867.post-15755394601964483992008-12-18T12:12:00.000-06:002008-12-18T12:51:03.109-06:00

i'm the kind of person that will hear a new 'favorite' song and will get addicted, listening to it over and over and over.  i'll put my iPod on repeat1 and just have it running through my brain all day as i go about all my business, sometimes not even really listening sometimes very fixated.  anyway, my latest addiction is In My Arms by Plumb and at first i have to say i was more in love with it

ashhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15456547831635496366noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8248686525575316867.post-31224774133723793342008-12-12T17:50:00.000-06:002008-12-12T17:51:28.628-06:00

1994's Most Bizarre SuicideDon Harper MillsAt the 1994 annual awards dinner given by the American Association for Forensic Sciences, AAFS President Don Harper Mills astounded his audience in San Diego with the legal complications of a bizarre death. Here is the story...On March 23 the medical examiner viewed the body of Ronald Opus and concluded that he died from a gunshot wound of the head

ashhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15456547831635496366noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8248686525575316867.post-91806975218227348352008-12-10T12:21:00.000-06:002008-12-10T13:21:37.349-06:00

so of course as a mom i'm constantly faced with the reality that my kids are raising me.  every day there are moments when i realize that i have to completely reevaluate everything i thought i knew about what is right and wrong.  daily lessons about what grace means, what discipline really is, and what punishment should really look like.lately i've been struggling with what to do when claudia's

ashhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15456547831635496366noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8248686525575316867.post-5831252096997883882008-11-13T16:46:00.000-06:002008-11-13T17:09:02.637-06:00

Well, it's with uncertainty and sadness that I post this. More emphasis on the uncertainty, but sad all the same.If you've read any of my Life posts, you'll remember that when I was little (0-6) I had chronic ear infections that left me profoundly deaf in my right ear. The past few years as an adult have seen a resurgence of ear infections (I've always gotten them, but I'm getting an unusually

ashhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15456547831635496366noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8248686525575316867.post-43078318528904315732008-11-13T15:23:00.000-06:002008-11-13T15:33:53.563-06:00

This is brilliant, and not mine. My friend Jack Ratana posted this and it inspired me, so I in turn am posting it for you (with a couple of punctuation/spelling corrections which are not noted). I'm not sure if he wrote this himself, but regardless, "Cheers, Jack".Once upon a time a tortoise and a hare had an argument about who was faster .They decided to settle the argument with a race. They

ashhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15456547831635496366noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8248686525575316867.post-66598550636463356062008-11-02T18:18:00.001-06:002008-11-02T19:08:56.606-06:00

So this past Halloween marked the first of the "Seconds" for our family. And by that I mean, up until now, all of the holidays, trips, events, and other annual occasions, had always been the first time we'd done them together as a family. We'd had Claudia and Joe on an over night stay just before their placement last year over Halloween, so this was the first annual event that we'd already done

ashhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15456547831635496366noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8248686525575316867.post-66455054169775831272008-10-19T08:49:00.000-05:002008-10-19T10:06:54.634-05:00

It seems like just about everyday now we have something go on or happen that I think I should blog about. It's just so hard when I have about 15,976 other things to do to actually make my self sit down. So I figure that before 7 on a Sunday morning is about as good a time as any to do it. Of course, the baby just woke up so now this might be shorter than I thought. Ah, life.First I'd like to

ashhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15456547831635496366noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8248686525575316867.post-31534581548178186592008-10-12T23:54:00.000-05:002008-10-13T00:06:37.518-05:00

We had a joint birthday party for the kids yesterday. I could say about a million things about how it was our first birthday party as the 'parents' and how it was the first party for the kids period. It was pretty amazing but I think for right now I'm going to let the photos speak for themselves. Enjoy.

ashhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15456547831635496366noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8248686525575316867.post-80849963068216154402008-09-19T11:53:00.000-05:002008-09-19T12:26:35.351-05:00

So yesterday, September 18th was my birthday.Our tradition the past few years has been to have an evening out, dinner, coffee and smooches. Darren likes to make sure that we actually go out on my birthday-DAY and not just wait till the weekend, so last night we headed out to eat dinner together to have our date. We're headed to drop off the kids with our friends who baby sit for us on date

ashhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15456547831635496366noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8248686525575316867.post-48321300456798084332008-09-14T18:36:00.001-05:002008-09-14T18:37:42.717-05:00

My little girl is standing all by herself, and as a proud momma it's my duty to tell the world! Enjoy!

ashhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15456547831635496366noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8248686525575316867.post-25588049058601577732008-09-12T19:17:00.000-05:002008-09-12T19:17:51.619-05:00

*I acknowledge that this post is very over due and for those of you who only started reading this blog recently, you might want to go back and read parts I and II first. Years 7-12 Alright, so at this point my parents (from this point as a general rule "my parents" refers to my dad and Marlee), moved us to Panama Nebraska. Population 200+ 15ish miles southeast of Lincoln. They'd found this 100

ashhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15456547831635496366noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8248686525575316867.post-30264808859386042092008-09-11T21:24:00.001-05:002008-09-11T21:27:49.758-05:00

There shouldn't be much I need to say about this. We love our kids and can't believe how blessed we are. There are days when I still feel lonely some how about not being able to 'make a baby' but when I look at the gorgeous smiles on these kids faces (and listen to Theia whistling like she was in this picture) all that goes away and I know I wouldn't trade these guys for 80 'made' babies.Thanks

ashhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15456547831635496366noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8248686525575316867.post-83651263412225080402008-09-11T18:07:00.000-05:002008-09-11T18:38:09.056-05:00

It's amazing how with very little effort, we can lose ourselves to the person we become when we're not looking. It's not true, you know, that practice makes perfect. No, no. Practice makes habit, only self assessment followed by correction and discipline makes perfect. Imperfect practice only makes for bad habits. And as for life, as we go about our days, giving a little here, a little there

ashhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15456547831635496366noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8248686525575316867.post-76066666262751538932008-09-09T18:01:00.000-05:002008-09-09T18:49:06.368-05:00

As we pull forward, slowly gaining momentum, rushing right side up again, we speed into our Adoption Homestudy.Now up until this point we'd thought that our Foster Care Homestudy was pretty intense, but we were about to find out that there is no such thing as "privacy" when it comes to adoption. They want to know everything about you, what you like, what you don't like, do you like travel,

ashhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15456547831635496366noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8248686525575316867.post-162368580672827892008-09-09T17:06:00.000-05:002008-09-09T18:00:16.164-05:00

So as we spiral forward into Christmas, moving, New Year's and Life, things got really crazy really fast, and there was definitely no getting off the ride at this point.Claudia and Joe hadn't seen their mom for a couple months or more, and then it had only been once in the several months prior to that. Once the baby arrived and the birth mom no longer had to be in hiding, she did request visits.

ashhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15456547831635496366noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8248686525575316867.post-66685171144109196492008-09-09T16:44:00.001-05:002008-09-09T17:01:14.645-05:00

Alright, so I know I've been totally off the map for a while, but I guarantee you, I'm back. Okay, at least for now.Anyway, the latest 'quick' updates.Claudia started her Preppie Kindergarten class, which is a two year Kindergarten program designed to give the kids with late birthdays (her the cut off for K is not until December 2, which is very late! and she's an October baby) So this way,

ashhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15456547831635496366noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8248686525575316867.post-17255463859088828832008-07-31T19:25:00.000-05:002008-07-31T19:34:12.201-05:00

Zooming down the hill and rounding the next turn at break-neck-speed...It's the end of October, our certification was being wrapped up we got a call about a potential placement. At first they told us Boy 4, Girl 3 living in an Emergency Shelter Home (ESH) for 60 days (typical ESH placement should not exceed 30 days) they'd been in an extended family member's home for 10 months prior to that. We

ashhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15456547831635496366noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8248686525575316867.post-66692515404325344872008-07-31T17:37:00.000-05:002008-07-31T19:37:32.544-05:00

The first dip in the track, building speed heading through our first spiral loop and Darren's forgotten his Dramamine.Ok, so Darren and I had talked about kids before we got married. We knew we wanted some, 3, 4, maybe 5. We were both a little older when we got married, had been married before and in general just weren't idiots when we got married, so although we didn't want to have a baby

ashhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15456547831635496366noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8248686525575316867.post-29805111743536652822008-07-29T13:33:00.000-05:002008-07-30T11:33:56.882-05:00

So it's been brought to my attention that i've yet to fully tell the story of my husband, my kids, and how our family was made. No time like the present. I'll start at the beginning, and since Darren is part of my family, I'll start with him.In October/November of 2004 Darren and I met online on a 'meeting place' website. I know, I know; not exactly the 'boy meets girl, they exchange glances

ashhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15456547831635496366noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8248686525575316867.post-5685718944467090242008-07-23T11:10:00.000-05:002008-07-23T11:14:30.548-05:00

over the past few years i've thought, and i'm sure like most people, had some of those "what will be the significance of that relationship later on in life?" moments when i think about my relationship with brian. i'm sure God has a lot more reasons than i can think of, but one i'm sure of is getting to meet his parents, steve and linda. To date, they remain one of the most positive influences

ashhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15456547831635496366noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8248686525575316867.post-52211821082374183752008-07-11T18:52:00.000-05:002008-07-11T19:05:28.948-05:00

so i often shower with thia, she really likes it and it's snuggle time. she'll play with the water as if falls on her and thinks it's so funny. so now that she's been sitting up so well for so long and does pretty well in the bath; the other day i finally took a bath with her. we have a pretty big tub, one of those corner types that's not inside a shower. so we're in there, she's playing, she

ashhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15456547831635496366noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8248686525575316867.post-90507068066310373802008-07-03T00:20:00.000-05:002008-07-03T00:27:35.476-05:00

so i was at the koinonia (fellowship) dinner at our church tonight and i see a woman who looks really familiar. not really that big of a deal considering i've gone there for a long time and i recognize a lot of people i can't put names on.this was particularly interesting though, because she seemed to think i looked familiar too and i noticed a few times she was looking at me.so as i'm hurrying

ashhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15456547831635496366noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8248686525575316867.post-65224985580890958072008-06-29T17:18:00.000-05:002008-06-29T17:48:25.723-05:00

so i took claudia to see WALL-E last night. it was really cute, very much an eco-green film, but i liked it a lot, and so did she. it was very fun just getting to go out with just claudia. sometimes it's really hard to get one on one with her when all the kids are around. she's by far the lowest maintenance of all the kids, she's eager to please and in general just doesn't like to break the

ashhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15456547831635496366noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8248686525575316867.post-33866467249856366822008-06-24T13:27:00.000-05:002008-06-24T14:53:29.713-05:00

I've recently been diagnosed with a life altering disorder. It's known as TDS or Technology Dependency Syndrome.TDS usually manifests itself in typical ways, in my particular case, my brain no longer relies on internal memory to do nearly anything. I can seldom remember my own phone number, let alone anyone elses, on my computer I have alarms set to tell me when to pay bills, when to send

ashhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15456547831635496366noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8248686525575316867.post-20935491531890522112008-06-17T17:06:00.000-05:002008-06-17T17:31:58.681-05:00

alright, i know, it's been way too long. things have been busy, chaotic and a little overwhelming lately.i took thia on a trip back to Lincoln to visit my family. thia did great on the trip, our flights to OMA were pretty uneventful.the trip itself was fun. minimal family drama, we didn't get in nearly as much as i'd planned, but she got to meet the family and that was, after all, the main

ashhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15456547831635496366noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8248686525575316867.post-31332498848460808432008-05-01T12:18:00.000-05:002008-05-01T12:20:56.251-05:00

so i'm just wondering if it's just my family or what, but when did we stop celebrating May Day? When i was a kid we would go through all this work to make little baskets full of candy and such an then go and leave it on someone's doorstep, ring the bell and RUN! the idea was that they were supposed to come out running after you to find out who left it. it was the most fun thing ever and it

ashhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15456547831635496366noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8248686525575316867.post-5469513279044281092008-04-19T17:53:00.001-05:002008-04-19T18:52:12.270-05:00

So the other day I was going through old pictures and I come across this one of the house I grew up in outside of Lincoln Nebraska. It was an old farm house on 13 acres of land, with another 13 or so open to ours from our neighbor. Around 3 acres was separated from the rest by a 100 year old tree line to the North and West, this was our immediate yard, meaning it was the part we had to mow and

ashhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15456547831635496366noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8248686525575316867.post-32164592936576549982008-03-29T14:24:00.000-05:002008-03-29T14:38:00.439-05:00

Alright, so I've officially decided to lose 35 pounds.  For those of you who don't know what a roller coaster my weight has been the past couple years, that may come as a shock.  The history is that I was extremely skinny (yes, skinny, not thin) in high school.  I graduated at 5'6" weighing only 104 pounds with about 11% body fat.  Yeah, it was pretty 'concentration-camp-esque'.  Within a couple

ashhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15456547831635496366noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8248686525575316867.post-14896450686278733392008-03-29T14:14:00.000-05:002008-03-29T14:24:01.465-05:00

Well, Claudia and Joe's bio mom never showed for the visit on Monday.  Well, technically she never called to confirm that she would be there, which is the same to the courts as a no-show.  We hadn't told the kids yet since we knew that might be a possibility so we just took them to the park instead and they never knew the difference.  This does mean that she will NOT be getting a reschedule/make

ashhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15456547831635496366noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8248686525575316867.post-25244984044590360632008-03-23T19:09:00.000-05:002008-03-23T19:32:28.603-05:00

Well, tomorrow hasn't even come and it's already gotten my stomach up in knots.At 1 p.m. we're supposed to be meeting Claudia and Joe's birth mom, Marisa, for a good-bye visit.  I have such mixed feelings about it.We'd been notified by their former social worker that in the trial that terminated the parents' rights Marisa was awarded a visit so she could say good-bye.  Part of me is just pissed

ashhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15456547831635496366noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8248686525575316867.post-62748334878672599132008-03-19T17:20:00.000-05:002008-03-19T18:55:34.766-05:00

Part II Ages 1 to 7So at this point my parents are getting divorced.  My dad is living in the house they'd bought since it was his parents who paid the down payment for it.My dad and mom tried attending church together (with the christian friends who saved my life).  At first it was an effort to reconcile, but that didn't end well.  While at church they met a woman with a couple kids looking for

ashhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15456547831635496366noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8248686525575316867.post-68232635348304110302008-03-19T16:58:00.000-05:002008-03-19T17:20:38.020-05:00

I suppose it's about time I gave a little info about who I am.  Not that I'm all hung up on myself, but for those of you who don't know me well to have a little insight into who I am and why I bother typing these.  I may only be 27, but this is a long story, so I'll tell it in parts.  I'm not sure how many yet, we'll take it one part at a time.Part I, Before the Beginning and The Beginning.My

ashhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15456547831635496366noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8248686525575316867.post-34255161490750001832008-03-14T20:15:00.000-05:002008-03-14T20:20:18.401-05:00

so we're in a stage right now where i feel like we live at the doctor's office.  between the kids being sick, needing a check up, needing shots, needing a physical, thia needing booster shots, claudia having an allergic reaction again, joe running a fever of 104 it just seems like our life revolves around that place.  just today we were there in the morning getting claudia shots, then back in the

ashhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15456547831635496366noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8248686525575316867.post-26691898997473681032008-03-04T16:29:00.000-06:002008-03-04T19:45:56.807-06:00

anyone who knows me well knows that there is a part of me that dwells eternally in the realm of silliness and the absurdly irrational.i suppose my philosophy has always been to arm myself with the ridiculous rather than to suffer the slings and arrows of the mundane and, all too often, grievous. i suppose people such as i have to live this way.  there are too many evils lying in wait around every

ashhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15456547831635496366noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8248686525575316867.post-57538046536140273432008-03-01T10:15:00.000-06:002008-03-01T10:45:49.308-06:00

so i talked to one of my sisters last night (i'll draw the family diagram later).  it was great talking to her.  sure she called me at 10 at night and we talked till almost 1 am, that's fine.  a good sister is always worth losing sleep over.i love having her in my life.  someone i can talk to about all my crazy life experiences and views and she doesn't think i'm insane or wonder what on earth

ashhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15456547831635496366noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8248686525575316867.post-15029711939629628722008-02-29T20:35:00.001-06:002008-02-29T20:35:12.504-06:00

ashhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15456547831635496366noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8248686525575316867.post-33816917223927750642008-02-29T18:41:00.000-06:002008-03-01T10:15:47.509-06:00

I am Ash~womanlovermotherwifeartistavid readerbikerhikercamperlaughersmilergoofballsilly-ness mastercrime fightercookbakerexperience makeroptimist-pessimist depending on the daytear wiper hand holderteaserpleaserantagonistside kickchampionloserpiggy back riderdriverdivernickel and dimertravelerwatcherlistenermusicianstar gazermovie lovershadow animal makertoy fixersanta's helperlife

ashhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15456547831635496366noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8248686525575316867.post-22412272214915428502008-02-29T18:15:00.000-06:002008-02-29T18:40:15.670-06:00

So it begins, my life as blogger.  For those of you who don't know me personally some of my stories may be funny, meaningful, sad, stupid or possibly educational, or maybe not.  Either way, this is my life and you're about to get some glimpses into it.  Of course all of this will be biassed, since it's obviously coming from my own perspective, although in general I do try to look at things from

ashhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15456547831635496366noreply@blogger.com1